So what is commitment, really? What does commitment mean?
If you’re anything like most women, you know that you want a committed relationship with a man … but when pressed, you have a hard time nailing it down any further than that.
Do you want a wedding ring?
Do you want kids?
Do you want a house together, a man who takes out the trash every Wednesday, and who takes all the overtime he can get just to provide for you back at home?
Or do you just want a man who loves you, who wants you to be happy … and to feel the same way about him?
The truth is, commitment is much, much more than just a wedding ring or a set of vows.
In fact, even though most women tend to place a lot of value on spoken words of commitment and love – “I love you, I love only you, I want to be with you forever”
When it comes to true commitment, words are actually pretty much meaningless.
A man could tell you that he loves you and wants to be with you until he’s literally blue in the face, but that doesn’t mean anything unless the feelings are there to back those words up.
To a man, real commitment comes from a deep-down feeling – a soul feeling – that something is right and good, that you make him really happy, and that he simply wants to be with you because he just feels so darn amazing when he’s with you.
In other words, you need to get this fact about men:
To the male mind, commitment happens when he’s happy being around you and that’s the key to a lasting relationship.
So if he’s clearly happy being with you – he laughs a lot when he talks to you, he smiles when he sees you, he hugs you a lot, he tries to take care of you, he goes out of his way to make sure you feel safe and happy – then you can bet that he’s feeling the commitment, all right … even if he hasn’t talked about it AT ALL yet.
Commitment doesn’t happen because you talk about it a lot, it doesn’t happen because you gave him an ultimatum
(“Marry me or I’m outta here!”) and it can’t be faked, pressured, or asked for. That’s what is commitment in true sense.
“If the commitment’s not there, it’s time to move on”
The truth is, real commitment is something that just happens naturally when two people are really happy together. It has nothing to do with promises, obligations, or even legal contracts like a marriage contract.
For men, commitment happens naturally.
It’s a natural byproduct of being happy with a woman and loving who she is and how he feels when he’s with her.
So if you feel like the man in your life isn’t committed to you yet.
Or if you can sense that he’s withdrawing and pulling away EMOTIONALLY even though he’s still saying the words of commitment that he thinks you want to hear don’t try to talk about it yet or have any deep, soul-searching conversations
And definitely don’t give him any ultimatums!
Ultimatums Will Destroy His Love For You,
Even If On The Surface They Seem To Be Working.
You’re about to learn what’s happening BEHIND the facade so that you can turn around those feelings of doubt and distance that your woman’s intuition is warning you about.
You can’t make those feelings go away by talking about them. You can’t change the way he feels about you by forcing him to say that he loves you or even making him promise to marry you.
What you CAN do is learn what he needs … what YOU need … and then learn how to put those your hands together,
So that you can create the kind of relationship so fun, so satisfying, so emotionally connectedand loving and REAL, that you won’t have to worry about commitment or whether he’s feeling “connected” to you – those things will literally take care of themselves!
So sit tight. Don’t make any sudden moves.
But remember, it won’t happen by forcing him to talk about it, so DON’T GO THERE YET.
The scary truth is, you can do much more harm than good by trying out a “State of the Nation” talk with your man.
I know you can sense distance there, and that’s why you’re reading this article. And it’s good that you’re tuned-in to his feelings and that you can sense shifts in the
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However, now is not the time to start trying to change things – not QUITE yet (you don’t have the necessary tools yet … even though you’re about to in about, oh, 10 minutes from now!)
You need to learn what’s going on before you get behind the wheel and turn the key in the ignition.
Crawl before you walk … walk before you run … and learn the road rules before you drive that Lamborghini!
Now, before I get into the next nitty gritty aspect of this section—all about how men need you to be in order to foster a deeply powerful connection with you.
I need you to really understand what a man’s deepest needs are, before you truly understand what does commitment mean to a man.
Most women make the classic mistake on not ‘getting’ what men need—instead, they focus on what they need, what they want, what they have to have in order to be happy…
…which for many situations causes a man to feel unappreciated, disrespected and isolated from the relationship.
Give a Man What He Needs, and He’ll Give You What You Want
Before I get into it, I want you to remember something really important this article isn’t so much about making men happy (although you’ll learn all about what makes a man happy in a relationship so he won’t pull away).
This article is all about you—and cultivating a whole new way of approaching men through ‘getting’ him and understanding him on a profoundly deep level.
When that happens, guess what?
You will absolutely have a drawing in, magnetic kind of pull to any man based on your unique, rare skill of tapping into his mind and hero instincts.
For men, that translates to, “a connection” he’s never had with another woman before and even if he didn’t know he wanted it, NOW he does.
To understand a man, you need to know where he’s coming from.
There are some universal truths about men so no matter what age he may be, where in the world he grew up, or what stage of the relationship he may be in with you he needs three things: respect, admiration and appreciation.
Every other need he has stems from these essential three things.
If you want to draw a man into you—and altogether eliminate his desire to pull away from the relationship, then you’ve got to learn how to communicate respect.
Respect for men is what the foundation is to building a house.
It’s what everything else stands on.
The thing is, if a man doesn’t feel respect, then he won’t be able to give you the things you want and need in a relationship, because his greatest need isn’t being met.
You can communicate respect by lowering your tone, choosing the words you say carefully, and ending your statement or conversation in a positive light.
Here’s why your role is so pivotal—and could mean the difference between a man who obsessively wants to become closer and closer to you in the months (and years) that follow or a man that continually pulls away emotionally and physically from you.
Men are used to being problem solvers throughout their day.
At work, they may not always get the validation that they’re doing ‘an amazing job’ like they want. They put a tremendous amount of pressure and responsibility on their shoulders—and that includes making you happy.
If you model disrespect to him—through critical remarks, rude comments or a passive aggressive attitude, how do you think he’ll feel?
Do you think he’ll feel disrespected, and therefore, unmotivated to do things for you in the future?
That’s why you actually hold a TON of power to get what you want out of the relationship.
Show him respect, and he’ll go to ends of the earth for you—because just by showing him that you value, love and credit him for all he does, will move mountains in your relationship!
Respect is what man want from women in a relationship.
Here’s what I tell all of my clients, because it’s simple, to the point, and regardless of where you may be in your relationship, you can use it—today!
It’s called “I” messages, and it’s a potent way to dramatically communicate respect, with insane results that can immediately create a connection between a couple.
So, for example, an “I” statement may be something like, “I feel like, when you interrupt me while I’m talking, that my needs aren’t as important as yours.”
In the case of my friend Sherri, I told her she can follow up that “I” message with another:
“I would really love for you to listen to me talk about my stressful day because it helps me just to talk…and then when I’m done, I would love to hear your input.”
For men, that translates to clear, to-the-point communication—and it ends with respect (“I would love to hear your input.”)
You can use “I” messages for anything—to encourage better listening, more respect, a greater sense of trust or openness; a better way to hear each other out and come up with solutions together.
The best part is when you use “I” messages, no one is left feeling disrespected and because of that, everyone wins (especially you—since you’ll have a man who doesn’t pull away, simply because he can now feel your love and respect!).
Admiration + Appreciation
The remaining two needs a man has, I like to put together—because often they are one in the same.
I know women who are in relationships with men and they can’t remember the last time they told their boyfriend or husband “thank you.”
When I hear that, my next question usually is, “How’s your sex life?”
I say this because I’m 100 percent certain it’s not that great.
They usually answer me with, “There’s no connection,” and I think, “I bet there’s not.”
I’m not trying to be rude here, but it’s just a fact. Before you understand what is commitment you need to handle the sex issues in your relationship.
If you don’t tap into a man’s biggest and second most important need (and essential in order for him to feel loved by a woman) then simply put, you will NOT get what you want in a relationship.
And I’m not just talking about flowers here.
I’m talking about all the other essentials you need in a relationship to make you happy:
An emotional connection
A happy partner
A man who sends you impromptu, little dirty and romantic text messages while you’re at work
A man who wants to make the relationship better, just as much as you do.
A man who wants to please you sexually and emotionally in between the sheets just as much as he wants to make you happy every single day.
A man who is willing to do the emotional work to better himself, in order to be the kind of partner you deserve—who is happy, fulfilled and satisfied with YOU.
What many women don’t understand is that despite a man who seems so capable, powerful and strong on the outside is a man who is quite fragile on the inside—or I should say, his ego is quite fragile.
Some women in relationships can go months without giving the man they are with a single compliment.
Some women rarely give their boyfriend or husband a single deep, powerful kiss that makes him feel like he’s really hers—a man that she desires to the depths of her soul.
Other women don’t touch a man in the way he longs to be touched, or talk to him in the way that he needs to be talked to in order to validate his feelings, make him feel secure day after day and show him that she cherishes him.
Appreciation is mandatory for a man to feel loved, and be willing to give his love in return. Appreciation is another meaning and form of commitment for man.
“I loved how you took care of all my needs today. I feel so protected by you,” is a simple but highly effective way to show him that he takes care of you and you appreciate it.
You may wonder how you’re supposed to show appreciation if you’re arguing.
One of the great things about bringing more appreciation to your relationship (which drastically alters his behavior of pulling away) is that it can come in many forms.
You can use an “I” statement telling him what you love or admire about him, instead of focusing on what you’re upset about—and in many cases from my clients that have done this (a technique I refer to as the ‘diversion approach’) they’ve noticed the whole tone of their discussion take a new turn.
So if the conversation was tense, interjecting with someone like, “You know, I know this isn’t pleasant what we are talking about, which is why I want to take a second to share how much I really appreciated yesterday when you thoughtfully took filled up my car with gas…”
You can also show appreciation without saying a thing.
If you’re having a conversation where some blameful language or frustrating words are firing off (a pattern you’ve seen in him many times, right before he starts to pull away) you can place your hand lightly over his. Hold his hand.
Just hold it there, or while he expresses his anger, frustration or confusion look him in the eye, and trace your fingers over the top of his hand with a light touch and a loving manner.
This in itself, tells him that no matter what the discussion may be, you’re his and you’re here, and you’re listening to him and caring about him.
Nod as he speaks, which will communicate that you’re hearing what he’s saying to you, and appreciating his view point.
This will let him know that while you may have another point of view, you are validating what he’s saying because it’s just as important as what you’re saying.
What are the chances he’ll pull away when you’re communicating love through his language—which is respect, admiration and appreciation?
Little to none—and I know this from years of personal experience.
Elevation Questions to understand what is commitment.
Now that you know how a man’s mind works w— what is commitment or what does commitment mean to a man and most importantly, how he best feels your love, it’s time to truly understand how to bring him closer than ever to you.
In fact, you just learned something powerful about men—that by showing admiration and appreciation through praise, you can stand out as the ONLY woman who has ever made him feel so masculine… so powerful and so capable to be yours.
Elevation questions are the perfect way to make him downright amazing about himself so that it’s practically gut-wrenchingly painful to be away from you.
Whether you’re starting up a relationship and you’re on your second date, or you’re watching a movie on the couch with someone you’ve just celebrated your five-year anniversary with, here are elevator questions you can ask to bring his devotion for you to an all-time high:
“I love that shirt, looks so good on you. Where did you get it?”
“Have you been working out?”
That’s amazing about your promotion. How did you accomplish that?”
“Without fail, you always make me laugh. Can you tell me that one about your boss again?”
“That was incredible. Where did you learn to kiss like that?”
(A great one to use in front of his friends or yours) “Did you know he bought me flowers yesterday? My favorites-lilies.”
(To his mother, in front of him) “Ok, I have to ask: how did you raise such an (incredible, funny, thoughtful, accomplished, etc.) man?”
“Have you felt your core lately? It’s rock hard.”
“You’re so powerful, the way you handled that problem we were having with our electricity provider. Have you always been able to do that?”
“You’re so good with numbers. Do you think you could teach me how to do that?”
The beauty of these questions are while it may seem like it’s all about him— making him feel good, making him feel strong, powerful, capable, successful and handsome, it’s really about you.
By tapping into his needs to feel like your protector, provider, and manly-take-care-of-everything-strong-alpha-that he longs to be for you (and for himself)
…you’ll get what YOU want from him…
…romantic gestures of his appreciation for you..
..flowers delivered to work…
…and attention from a man who is utterly, and totally devoted to you in every way.
Next, I want to share my comprehensive, exclusive list of ‘probing questions’ that I’ve compiled over the years to demonstrate to ANY man that you understand him at a level no other person has.
Ask these questions when you first get to know a guy, and he’ll feel an unshakable bond from the very beginning making it impossible for him to pull away.
I’ve found these probing questions to be particularly useful when my clients want to get to know a man at the beginning stages.
It can help you monumentally establish a connection right away.
But, if you’re already in a relationship and it’s more on cruise control than anything else (the flame of passion died out months ago), these questions are a really easy way to bring the connection back to the forefront.
After all, who would want to pull away from a woman that emotionally, mentally, and intellectually gets him from the get-go?
Here’s the real magic about probing questions.
They work on any man—and get him to open himself up to you.
Men in general are not used to women talking to them, thinking about them or behaving around them as though they are interested, or fascinated.
In general, (and especially at the beginning stages) men are used to doing the ‘heavy lifting’ of dating, so to speak.
They’re used to sweating it out before asking a beautiful woman (like yourself) out for a date. They’re used to coming up with a plan for that first date, and working hard to keep the conversation going.
Just imagine how blown away he’ll be when you’re the one to show interest in HIM?!
By asking probing questions you’ll not only get to know a guy in a real way (these aren’t superficial questions, but if the moment arises, feel free to tweak them so you’re speaking in a flirtatious manner)…
…but you’ll have the ability to drastically reduce his desire to ever pull away from you.
Pick any question and you’ll see his eyes widen, and feel his heart skip a beat. It’s powerful, and it works every single time (the only problem is, most women don’t know about it.)
Now you do, so use these probing questions as a tool for turning even the most chronic, commitment-phobic man into a devoted, and obsessed boyfriend of your love, today:
“So, how did that make you feel?”
“What did you do after that happened?”
“That must have really been something for you to deal with. What happened next?”
“How old were you when you accomplished that?”
“I can only imagine being in that situation. Did it make you feel angry?”
“I’ve always wanted to try that! Tell me everything! What was it like?”
Get specific. If you’re out with a guy and he’s telling you how he grew up overseas, or he knows five languages, plug into that. Ask him questions where you mention keywords that he’s just used.
Something like, “That sounds so fascinating. I would love to learn sign language! How did you learn it?” or “Wow. What was your favorite area of Asia to live in?”
“That’s a great nickname! Do you have any others? How did you get that name?”
“What was your relationship like with your siblings?”
“What a crazy experience playing (soccer, football, baseball, etc.) Do you miss playing professionally? (Tweak this question to fit your date.)
“Is that on your bucket list?” (A great question to end the conversation after he mentions a place or an activity he’d love to try. This is also a great lead in for another conversation to show that the two of you have something in common!)
“Do you think it’s the big things or the little things that count the most?”
If the conversation gets too heavy, you can lighten it up. Something like, “Will you describe the ocean in three words?
Whatever comes first to you is fine.” He may look at you a little confused, to which you’ll say, “I’ll explain it in a second.” Whatever he answers, say, “That’s your happy place, and how you’re happiest in a relationship.”
Lighten it up further with a question like, “What’s in your fridge? Is it full of beer and leftover pizza?” Smile.
Probing questions are supposed to get to know a man while also letting him know he has found someone who ‘gets’ him—but its also supposed to be fun.
He shouldn’t think it’s an interview.
So, feel free to smile. Enjoy yourself—because a woman who can show him he’s enjoying her, is a guy who will welcome (even crave) having a connection with her.
I will stop here. If you loved reading this article on what does commitment mean to a man don not forget to Watch This Free Video Below.