To be honest…having kids has challenged our marriage and our relationship. Having little babies definitely stresses us out! Before baby, you have control! You have your time. You can rest whenever you want, eat whenever you want, go out whenever you want and travel whenever you want! Heck…go to the bathroom whenever you want! LOL! (This post contains affiliate links)
But after babies…it’s different. It’s not about you anymore. Our attention is all on the baby. We have to feed the baby, take the baby to the doctor, wash the baby, dress the baby and put the baby down for a nap etc.. The list goes on an on. Your life CHANGES and change can be hard!
As new parents, we are adjusting to new roles. Our time is taken up. We’re sleep deprived and anxious and life is never the same. My hubby had to realize, he’s not the baby anymore! LOL! And my focus and attention can’t be on him all the time and this strained our relationship.
But after 4 babies, we’ve made it somehow. Marriage is never easy. And as perfect as some people can make their marriage seem, it never is! There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Everyone has ups and downs and we’ve all struggled at some point. Here are the 6 things that my hubby and I do to stay close after baby.
1) WE TALK…A LOT!
This may seem like a simple thing, but we talk and talk and talk until the issue is resolved. My hubby and I have been together since we were 14 years old and I’m stubborn. I won’t stop talking to him until I understand what he’s going through. I won’t stop talking to him until he understand what I’m saying. I won’t stop talking until we both understand each other. We will talk till 6am if needed. And, if it’s still not resolved and we don’t have anymore energy, we put the conversation on hold and we talk about it the next day.You may also like: Mommy’s relaxing day off- getting my hair done at Salon Era in Richmond, BC
I feel communication is the most important thing in a relationship! It’s important to be able to communicate openly and honestly. It’s important to listen to each other in a calm way. It takes time to learn how to communicate with each other.
2) WE TALK TO EACHOTHER FIRST BEFORE TALKING TO ANYONE ELSE
When we’re down, we may feel the need to talk to a friend or a cousin or someone else other than our spouse. And that’s completely fine. It’s ok to reach out to a friend or loved one for support when you need help. But, I think it’s more important to talk first to your spouse about how you’re feeling. They need to know more than anyone else what’s going on.
Secondly, I think it’s really hard for other people to understand your relationship with your spouse. My hubby and I have known each other since we were 14 and we know each other so well. A friend or a family member may not fully understand your spouse or relationship and may not always give the right advice. Your friends and family mean well but listen to your heart and trust your instincts.
3) WE HOLD HANDS
This is such a simple thing. Especially if your person’s love language is physical touch. When you’re walking down the street, hold hands. When you’re sitting on the couch together, hold hands. If you don’t want to hold hands maybe you can give a back rub or a hug. Sometimes people just need physical touch.
If you haven’t read the 5 love languages than I highly recommend that you do! By reading that book, you’ll learn how to show your partner love in a way that they understand. It’s such a good book! The 5 love languages include physical touch, acts of kindness, words of affirmation, giving gifts, and quality time. I think my love languages are giving gifts and words of affirmation. LOL!You may also like: Furniture To Avoid Buying When You Have Little Kids
4) WE GO ON DATE NIGHTS
Some days, I’ve just had enough. You’ve been to work, the house is a mess, you’re feeling completely drained and you can no longer handle another request from one of your kids. You’re just DONE! On days like this, I tell my hubby that we need a date night. We are lucky enough to have the grandparents around to help us with our little ones so that we can go on date night every once in a while which is really nice. Usually date night is a nice dinner or a movie.
5) WE EXERCISE TOGETHER
Exercise is such a healthy thing to do together. Before, we never used to exercise together. But now that we’re getting older and our metabolism is slowing down and our guts are getting bigger, we decided that we need to make time for activity. My hubby and I play badminton together which is great because it’s indoor. In Vancouver, it’s always raining! So being able to play an indoor sport is awesome! It’s great cardio and doesn’t cost much to play either!
6) WE GET HELP!
Do you ever feel soo exhausted from doing all the housework, kid stuff and errands that at the end of the day you have no energy left for your spouse? I feel this way all the time! That’s why we decided to hire someone to do occasional housekeeping and babysitting. This way we know all the house stuff is taken care of, the kids are taken care of and it frees up my time and energy so we can enjoy our time together. I know we can feel guilty for spending money on outside help, but if you NEED to and if you can afford it, I say do it! It’s a good investment. If it allows you to spend more time with your spouse and allows you to work on your relationship, then it’s money well spent.You may also like: How I Plan To Be A Better Mom
In summary, here are the 6 things that we do to be close after baby:
- We talk out our issues or problems until we understand each other.
- We talk first to each other before talking to anyone else.
- We hold hands or other forms of physical touch like a back rub or a hug.
- We go on date nights
- We exercise together by playing badminton
- We get help from a nanny or housekeeper to free up our time so we can have energy and time for each other.
I hope my tips will help strengthen your relationship with your spouse after baby.